There’s a macy’s in appleton and I really want to go and get mac makeup so either when I get my own car or go with Noah I think I will. (That is if he doesn’t hate me too at that point.) Even Gerard way wears it! That must make it good, it can withstand a sweaty hairy man face. So Catlin Schulz and I got into the last and final fight. I was the bigger person. I walked away and blocked her ugly fucking fat ass. I hope she fucking rots in her ugly apartment with no friends, shitty boyfriend and huge nasty ugly ass. I felt pissed that she treated me that way (along with everyone else) ever so I started listening to Elliott smith and considered getting mean or sad. I didn’t do either. I’m still choked up but that’s because I was reading about Elliott’s suicide. I learned that facts don’t matter anymore. You can put your own fucking spin on 2+2 and make it equal raping donkey intestines if you please. The republicans are the best at this fact desecrating and so is Catie. Whatever fucking bitch I was over that shit years ago. I was only friends with her because she shoved me down her throat. So I guess I’ll sit here and listen to white shoes because I’m not in the mood to do homework, clean, or sleep. I’m also not in the mood to be responsible or discover new songs by the artists I know already, a first. It felt so empowering to think my body is okay the other day. My body is barley Wisconsin okay. I need to loose 20 pounds. I know I could do it if I didn’t have a job and I didn’t care about my hair or muscles. Starving is easy. When you starve yourself long enough you start throwing up which doubles the weight loss. Sad that I know that. Sad is my shitty life. I can’t stop clenching my face muscles and I’m getting wicked tension headaches because of it. I’m so stressed out and Conor is so far away I wish the dreams I have would come true, well some of them. I don’t need those flying dreams or the ones where I fuck guys I knew in high school. Fuck that. I want the ones where I meet him in some freak way and we fall madly in love. I would also take the ones where I’m not near water I’m sure there were only three of those… I would take the dream where I lived in a town of light and I was in love with a girl who had spider legs for eyelashes. I wouldn’t take the dreams where I kill everyone, I’m lost on a wharf, or getting chased. I’d definitely rather take allot of them though, I’d take them rather than this life. fuck this shit